Thomas Wolfe Was Right

I have to admit I’ve never read Thomas Wolfe’s book “You Can’t Go Home Again”. So I can’t say for sure what he was talking about when he titled his book. I’m guessing a whole lot of people today, have never read his book, as it was originally published in 1940. Yet, the title still gets bandied about quite a bit.

Sure, depending on our age, we may have known for quite some time that that title was a true statement. You do however get to a point in your life where you really realize how true that statement is. I went “home” to the state I was raised in this past week to visit family. While I was there my husband and I took an afternoon to drive through the town I grew up in and to visit some old landmarks.

We drove by both of my grandmother’s old house’s, the place where my house used to be, old schools and hangouts and friend’s houses. It had been a while since I’d been to some of those places and none of them looked quite the way they did when I was growing up. Well, needless to say of course they didn’t. New people move in, they paint, they change things. Roads change, tree’s grow, and life happens. We aren’t the same person we used to be so why would we assume everything else would be stay the same?

That day we did end up at the cemetery. It’s a peaceful place on a hill. Quiet and well kept. I have so many memories there. Not just of funerals, but also of many Memorial Day parades and ceremony’s that I had taken part in over the years. And memories of  planting flowers  on the graves with my mom and sometimes my grandmother.  I hadn’t been up there in several years. I’m not one of those people who goes to visit graves and thinks my loved ones are actually in that place.

We drove to my parent’s graves, also to my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins graves. And with some help from my brother, we also found some great, great grandparents graves. Standing there looking over all the graves it was like a parade of memories from the past. Seeing the stones of family friends long gone, or the parents of some of my classmate’s and their families. Seeing the names of many people I hadn’t thought of in years. Some, that I hadn’t even realized had died. I have to say it felt very peaceful there that afternoon.


I have been back to that town many times over the last sixteen years since I moved away to live in other states. I’m not sure why this particular visit was so different.

Recently I had such a vivid dream about my Dad’s Mom. She’s been gone for forty years now. In my dream, she was still alive and she came to my door. I just wept, as I hadn’t know where she was or that she was alive. I think that dream was part of what prompted me to go back and see some of those places during my visit. 

Maybe what made this time hard was just the sense of time having passed so quickly, and seeing so many of life’s changes. Maybe part of it is that when we don’t see people for a while, we tend to remember the way they looked when we last saw them, then we see them again we realize they have aged right along with us. It can be good to go back and see places and people as long as we realize we can never go back to the way things were.

Our last day there as we were heading out of town, we stopped at a Chinese restaurant where we used to meet my Mom and one of my cousins when we would come to visit. We had so many happy memories there of love and lots of laughter.

As we were sitting there in that restaurant we realized a couple of things. One was that the food was not as we remembered it. That, we could have overlooked. The most important thing we realized was that even though we were eating in a favorite old haunt, it felt sad and not the same. We so missed those loved ones that we used to share a meal with, who were no longer with us. They were a big part of what made the place special. Without the people we had shared our meals with, it was just another Chinese Restaurant in small town America. 

We can’t go home again because there’s no way we can go back and relive those times in our memories. Often, the people or places we remember may have changed or gone, and all that we have left is our memories. I’m sure that you, like me, often look back at your memories through rose colored glasses. No two of us would remember things in exactly the same way. We sometimes selectively remember things the way we would like to remember them.

The Bible says in Isaiah 43:18-19 ““Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.”

Always good advice of course. Perhaps we all know people who at some point in their lives become fixated with living in the past or they just can’t let go of things that have happened. Hopefully, we know that if we want to move forward in the things of God, we may have to let go of those things we are holding onto that might be  the very things holding us back. 

I do think it’s okay to go back and re-visit the past some times. Just as long as we are only visiting, and not letting our past keep us from our future. I think it can be good to go back and remember, to take stock of who we were back then and how we got to where we are now. Perhaps we have something we need to learn from the past. Then we can take from it that lesson we learn and look ahead to what’s in store for us. We may not be able to go home again, but we can make a new home for the memories we’re making now.




It’s Time To Come Out Of Hiding

It’s interesting to me how the Lord uses all kinds of different things in our lives to show us the things He wants us to see. Often, it can be something we read in the Word, but He also uses our everyday normal things. He may use a conversation you have with someone, a dream you dream, a book you read, a song you hear or even a TV show you watch.

I started writing a very different blog earlier this week on emotions and the roller coasters they can sometimes be. I have since discarded it. Not that it didn’t speak to things we may all go through at times but it was about negative emotions and I think enough of my time has been spent on them lately. When you’re on that roller coaster ride that just keeps bringing you further and further down; you know it’s time to get off that ride! 

I was reading a book this week about a woman who had  issues in her marriage. In a nut shell, her problems became public, creating embarrassment and caused her to move with her son to another town. Her plan all along was to  hole up in the house she had rented, work from home, go out only when she had to and basically hide from the world. Of course had the book ended there, it wouldn’t have been much of a story.

She had a meddlesome old woman living next door who managed to get involved in her life whenever she could. At the same time she was constantly involving the main character in the lives of everyone who lived with her or worked for her. Usually against her will. Needless to say that really annoyed her. Until the end of the book of course.

In the end, the old woman died, and the main character finds out her story about how others had risked their lives to hide her sister and her during the holocaust. Its then that she comes to realize why the woman had always tried to help these broken people the way she did. Through learning all this she realized she was also one of those broken people, and this woman had recognized it and given her such a gift. She learned that distancing herself  from people and hiding was not what she truly needed. She found that it was only through helping others and allowing them to help her, and through learning to relate to others that she truly became whole again.

I know that was a really quick summary of the story but I wanted to set the stage. The book really impacted me. It caused me to look at the situations and people in the book symbolically, and relate them to myself and to many of us today.  Many of us, even though we aren’t trying to live in hiding like this woman, have still been in hiding in our own way, for much of our life. 


We have perhaps been hiding behind walls of our own making. Somewhere in the past something happened to make us believe that we would be far safer behind our walls, with our emotions held safely in check. Oh sure, we still smile, we laugh, we hurt but we do it carefully and we keep our strongest emotions bottled up. Often our belief may be that we don’t even really have a lot of emotion.

Perhaps we tell ourselves, or others that we just aren’t outwardly emotional people. Meanwhile we watch, and we observe from a safe distance. We don’t always participate or let others get too close. We congratulate ourselves that we are safe behind our walls where nothing can hurt us.

Yet all the while, we fail to realize those aren’t walls we have built around ourselves. They are bars. In an effort to keep from getting hurt we have put ourselves in exile and bondage. We have not only kept our emotions bottled up but our very lives. Sure we may have missed out on some hurt, but at the same time we may have somehow missed out on true joy or peace or happiness. And yes, at times we’ve missed out on even allowing ourselves to feel the full extent of hurt and loss that we need to feel so we can then feel release and be able to move on. 

I remember a time someone close to me was going through a time of deep hurt in their life. In part due to the actions of another person. They were letting this person know how much they had hurt them and what they were going through. My comment was “why would you give anyone the satisfaction of letting them know how you feel? Or how they’ve hurt you?” Like them telling someone about their feelings was somehow wrong.

Jesus came to set the captives free. Even those who are captives of their own making. This is not a thus saith the Lord, but I believe that the Lord is calling many to come out from hiding and show others our true selves. Even if that means we have to learn who we are first. Jesus came not just that we would have life, but that we would have and enjoy life and to have it abundantly. As told to us in John 10:10.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 says there is “A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn,
And a time to dance. There is a hurting world out there and they don’t need us hiding behind our walls. That helps no one including us. They need us to be ready to help, and to participate in life again, and to feel 
what they are feeling right along with them. Whether it be weeping or joy.

If you’ve been unable to locate your emotions, ask the Lord for His help. He will help you find them again. You know those ways I mentioned earlier, that the Lord  can use to show us things? He used just about all of them this week to show me a few things.

First of course there was the book. Then I found myself weeping over a song though I had no idea why. It wasn’t a particularly sad song. Though, it was talking about enjoying things before they are gone. Then on my favorite TV show one character tells another that she always hides her emotions behind her intellect (walls). Lastly this morning when I remembered a dream I had this morning, I started crying. I believe part of the dream perhaps symbolized something I had been missing for many many years. 

How about let’s open some of those prison doors. Being behind walls is a lonely place to be. 



Light And Darkness

Sometimes I talk about animals and birds and such in my blog. The Lord seems to get my attention, and show me things using nature. Bugs are part of nature too I guess. Now if you don’t like bugs try and bear with me for a few minutes. But then, I mean really, unless you’re an entomologist or something, who does like bugs? Unless its like ladybugs or butterflies or something pretty like that. 

The bug I want to talk about today is the cockroach. All I need to do is to say that word and it makes your skin crawl right? Nasty, creepy, ugly, make you want to scream when you see you them, kind of bugs. Not something most of us want to get up close and personal with. Or even see from a distance. 

I was watching one the other day and taking note of their aversion to light. If you’ve ever had roaches in your house or garage or something you know what I mean. You turn on the light and they go slinking and scurrying away. That got me thinking. Isn’t sin just like that? John 3:20 “For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.”

Sin hates the light. It hides in the dark and secret places to avoid exposure. It may be able to hide  from others for a while, but of course we know nothing is ever truly hidden. The Lord who sees our hearts and knows everything is never fooled. Jeremiah 23:24  “Can anyone hide himself in secret places, So I shall not see him?” says the Lord“Do I not fill heaven and earth?” says the Lord.”

If you’re a  Christian and you’re trying to live like Jesus, I’m fairly sure you don’t start your day off by saying “what can I do today to sin”?  We do know that sin can be so deceiving, a slippery slope.

We can’t always see the sin in our own lives. Or, we don’t want to see it or to be told that in fact, it is sin. Often, it’s those behaviors or thoughts that we have been acting on for years, that are the things that trip us up most. Perhaps that’s why part of Hebrews 12:1 tells us to “lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us.”  

Have you noticed that while there are times we can so easily see the sin in others (and wonder why on earth they can’t), at the same time we are often so blind to our own? Not for naught did Matthew say in Chapter 7:3 “And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?” One would think a plank would be fairly noticeable, but apparently that’s not always so.

Sometimes we like to call our sins by other names because then they don’t sound quite so bad. Like those things we tell others that aren’t really true, while we say it is just “a little white lie”. Makes it sound cute right? Like little lies don’t count? What about those things we think or say about others, that surely don’t matter if the person doesn’t actually know you are gossiping about them. Or those things we put in front of our eyes and ears that we know we shouldn’t. It’s OK as long as we’re doing it in private, right? It’s not hurting anyone. No one knows what we’re doing. I could go on and on. So many ways to justify things we know we shouldn’t do.

Here in the south when people are talking about roaches, often they call them palmetto bugs. Very genteel. They almost sound interesting right? Like some kind of bug just hanging out on a palmetto plant. No one wants to call them what they really are. But guess what? You can dress them up and parade them across a stage, but a cockroach is still a cockroach, and a sin is still a sin.

If you have something going on in your life, and you’re telling yourself its really not a sin, but yet, you have an uneasy feeling about it, here’s an easy solution. Expose it to the light of God’s Word and then you will be able to see it for what it is. Right or wrong.

We are called to be children of light. Our goal should be to bring everything in our lives that is not pleasing to the Lord, to the light of His Word, and allow Him and the Word, to change us and our behaviors. Since we are representing Jesus, who gave His all for us, we should desire to embody Matthew 5:16 “ Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”

The Lord knows that we are not perfect, and we all make mistakes sometimes. All that is required of us, to get back into fellowship with the Lord is doing 1 John 1:7-9. “But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. “ If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” The Lord is so good to us.

Isn’t it far better to run to the light instead of away from it?


Birds And Battles

The other day I laughingly told my husband I felt like I was fighting a battle with nature on two fronts. Off my back deck is my bird feeder. I’ve been feeding the birds there for a while now.  For quite some time we were able to keep the squirrels at bay and the birds were loving it. Ah, but then the squirrels figured out how to get at the birdseed. So now when I’m home, I’m on guard trying to scare them away whenever I see them. Add to that the neighbors cat skulking about under the feeder or  up on my deck, and its a battle for the feeder and to protect my feathered friends from attack.

On the front porch is my hummingbird feeder. I hadn’t had any issues with that before either, but now all of a sudden the bees have found it. I have watched them literally chase the hummingbirds away! Then there’s the finches who keep coming and drinking from the feeder even though I put water out for them elsewhere. Some days I feel like I’m running from door to door shooing things away. Crazy, I know, but I like my birds. But you know, with all that, I bet my little friends have no idea there’s someone out there fighting their battles for them.

We are not always aware we are getting help in our battles either. We don’t always see the things the Lord is doing behind the scenes to help us in our own fights. We also may never see the angels that are around us protecting us and doing their work. But it’s happening all the same.

Yesterday I glanced out the door and my bird feeder wasn’t there. When I went outside I saw it laying on the ground broken. Obviously some really fat squirrel had jumped on it the wrong way and broken off a couple tabs that were holding it together. I was not a happy camper. 

I was tempted to just quit and be done with the whole thing. I have fought this birdseed battle many times before. And with critters a whole lot bigger than squirrels. But what would quitting have accomplished? Sure, I might be done with the hassle. The squirrels would take their battle elsewhere, and I wouldn’t be bothered by them any more. But I would lose out on the prize which is the enjoyment I get from watching the birds come to the feeder. 

Obviously I’m just using my bird feeder stories as a metaphor of other things we may be battling. Have you ever thought about the prize we might miss out on if we give up on our battles too soon? James 1:12 says “The man who patiently endures the temptations and trials that come to him is the truly happy man. For once his testing is complete he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to all who love him.”

Maybe you’re fighting a battle in your life today and you feel like you’re just ready to call it quits and throw in the towel. Maybe its the kind of battle you have been fighting for a long time. Perhaps you’re just tired and you don’t know if you have the strength to fight another day. I always find Galatians 6:9 encouraging in those times. “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”

If that’s you today don’t give up. We only lose when we quit and stop trying. Give Him your heavy load to carry. Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

The Lord never told us we wouldn’t have problems but He did promise to be with us through them. Psalm 34:17 “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles”. Don’t let today’s battles overshadow tomorrow’s promises. Reach out to someone you trust and let them help you carry the burden in prayer. Trust that the Lord is with you. Focus on the Lord and His promises, not the problem. 

As to the birdseed battle, my husband fixed the feeder so we are back in business! Do I think for a moment that that particular battle will never need to be fought again? Nope. Not for a moment. But we will persevere! 

be of good cheer


Just Ask

I was having a dream the other morning just before I woke up. I don’t recall most of it now. The part I do remember happened right before I woke up.  I was sitting at a table talking with someone I had worked with years ago. Someone else, and I’m not sure I knew who it was, needed a lawyer. Then suddenly one was sitting there. Just as I was waking up the lawyer was saying I can help you with whatever you need…but you have to ask.

Wow. How true that is of our relationship with the Lord also. How many times do we have a problem (OK, maybe not you maybe just me) and instead of running right to the throne where we can find the grace we need to help in time of need, we go elsewhere. We call our friends or family to get their opinion, or  their help, or we go to Google to see what it suggests we should do in our situation or with our symptoms. 


I believe that dream was really a reminder from the Lord. He knows that sometimes we can just stew around in our problems, wringing our hands and trying to figure out what to do on our own. Or maybe we do what we think in our own minds we should do, and that doesn’t always work out so well. I was talking with a friend about that same thing the other day. She said she thinks it’s our natural bent. We think we have the tools we need, so of course we can fix the problem on our own! Except sometimes we find that we can’t. We can’t always see the whole picture of what’s needed.

Sometimes we don’t ask the Lord for His opinion or His help right away because we just don’t think of it. Other times perhaps we think, its such a small thing, I don’t want to bother the Lord with it. After all, He’s busy with much more important things. Other times we may think to ourselves well, the Lord knows I need/want that. So I don’t have to ask Him, He already knows.

But the thing is, the Bible TELLS us to ask.  In multiple scriptures and multiple places. Jesus did it all the time. It’s also called prayer. We find God’s people praying all through the Bible. In good times and bad, in times of plenty and in times of need.

In my version of the Bible it gives Matthew 7:7-11 like this: “You must regularly ask and it will be given to you, you must continually seek and you will find, you must knock habitually and it will be opened to you: for everyone who asks takes, and the one who seeks finds, and it will be opened for the one who knocks. Or what man is there of you, who when his son will ask for bread, will give him a stone? Or then will ask for a fish will give over to him a snake? Therefore if you, being evil yourselves, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more your Father, the One in the Heavens, will give good things to those who ask Him.”

So we can see how important it is to ask and seek. It shouldn’t just be an every now and again thing. Or we have John 16:24: “Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.” The Lord loves to do things for us and to give us what we need but our part is we need to ask. Also, when we pray based on the promises in God’s Word it activates the angels to go to work. 

When we do ask it’s important to remember to ask in faith. James 1:6: “But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.” The Lord loves to see our faith in Him. After all what loving father wouldn’t want his children to believe him when he says he will do something? Hebrews 11:6 “But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

This gift of asking that the Lord has given us, that we call prayer, is by no means a gift we are meant to use just for ourselves. No, the Lord calls us to pray for others. Yes, we are to pray for our selves, our families, our friends and loved ones, our neighbors, our churches and all those in our circle of influence. But we are told to pray for more than that.

We are also called to pray for all men and those in authority. 1 Timothy 2:1-3 “Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men, for kings and all who are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence.

” We are to pray for our enemies Matthew 5:44 “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you”.

We can pray for the sick, James 5:14 “Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.” We are also called to pray for our nations. 2 Chronicles 7:14 “if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.”

The Lord wants us to come to Him with even the smallest details of our lives. He cares about our lives. But He doesn’t want us to pray just small prayers. He wants us to pray big, bold prayers. God is a big God, He is by no means limited by our sometimes small thoughts. Ephesians 3: 20-21 says “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”

If He can do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ask or think then shouldn’t we think bigger? Ask bigger? There’s a whole lot of people and situations out there that need our bold prayers. We never know when we will be called on to pray. Sometimes situations pop up in an instant. We should be ready to pray at all times.

One synonym for lawyer is advocate. When we are praying for someone we are their advocate before the Lord. Pleading their case. Interceding. And following the advice of the lawyer in my dream. Opening our mouth and just asking!

And let’s not forget to make sure God gets all the glory for our answered prayers!



Are You Planted In The Right Place?

Most of us have heard the old saying “bloom where you are planted”. We could probably agree that might mean something like to flourish in whatever place you find yourself. Make the best of where you are.

Good advice I guess. But, what if we are not in the place where God would have us be? Could we truly flourish in that place? Perhaps in some ways. We might think we are. But are we really?

In my opinion I don’t believe we can ever be truly happy or flourishing unless we are walking in the plan of God for us. By that I mean that kind of down deep, soul satisfying peace and contentment you get when you know you are doing what you’re called to do.

Before you read any further, here’s another question for you. Is your desire to be led by the Lord and to walk in His path, greater than your desire to follow your own “perfect” plan for your life? Are you willing to change anything the Lord asks you to change? Or do you prefer to stay in your comfort zone where you feel you have some control over  your life?

If we say we want to follow Jesus,  then are we willing to do as Peter said he and the other apostles did, when he said to Jesus “See, we have left all and followed You.” That may not be what is asked of us. The Lord may have us work right where we are. But would we be willing to do it if He did ask?

God is the one who has the perfect plan for our lives. He sees the end from the beginning. He knows the things He has called us to do, and the places where He has prepared for us to be. Jeremiah 29:11 says “ , For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Although He does have a plan for us, the Lord also gives us free will. It’s up to us whether we choose to follow His plan or not.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 tells us “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” Ah, there’s the rub. He said He will direct our paths but it’s when we are doing our part, and acknowledging Him, asking Him to lead us. Not when we are leaning on our own understanding, or our own thinking of what we should do. 

Sometimes we say we want to be led of the Lord but we stay when He says go or we go when He asks us to stay.

Sometimes we are in the wrong place because we made a mistake. Maybe we didn’t ask the Lord whether we were doing the right thing. Or maybe we asked but didn’t wait to hear the answer. We didn’t mean to go off the path. Or perhaps we heard the answer but went ahead and did what we wanted anyway.

What about those times we are in the wrong place because of our own willful disobedience, or maybe we chose to follow our own leading instead of the Lord’s. Or perhaps we left somewhere or someone out of offence? 

Offence has become so rampant in the world today. Take a look at the news. No one can give their opinion, or say anything to anyone it seems, without offence being taken. Matthew 24:10 tells us in the last days this is what will happen. “And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another.” But aren’t we, as Christ followers, supposed to be different than everyone else? 

Yet how many of us have left jobs or marriages, families, friends or churches because we didn’t like the way things were being handled or we didn’t like something someone said? Or maybe even because we didn’t get our own way? I know I’ve been guilty of  some of those things. In some cases, maybe at the time I didn’t know enough to ask the Lord what His thoughts were. Other times I chose not to ask Him because I wanted to do what I wanted and I didn’t want to take a chance He might say no. Sounds childish right? 

Can I just say we don’t have time for any of this mess anymore? There’s work to be done. It’s time for those of  us who want to follow the Lord to get serious, grow up, stand up and get moving. The Lord has things He wants to accomplish and we each have to be in our place to make that happen.

If you are still staying somewhere when the Lord told you to leave then, go! If you’ve left somewhere when that wasn’t what the Lord wanted, then put your pride behind you and go back. If you are right where you are supposed to be, doing what you’re supposed to be doing then keep it up! Thanks for being a great example to others.

And if the Lord is calling you out to do new things for Him but you are afraid, then just believe you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you, step up and do it! No need to worry. If the Lord asks you to do something, He will give you what you need to get it done.

Why not give Him the best of you today? Does He deserves any less?










Ruined Lives

Before I begin today’s blog I would like to put in a disclaimer. Some of you may read this blog, or part of it, and click off  angrily and never read another one. Maybe some who know me in person won’t want to speak to me again. Others will have strong opinions and vehemently disagree with me. Others will agree with every word I say because this is the life they are living. I just wanted to share some of my observations on the subject but by no means do I want to insult, accuse or condemn anyone. Having said that….here goes.

I’ve been reading a book this week that is a work of fiction. In the book the main character is a seventeen year old girl. Her mom was a single parent who died of an overdose of drugs and alcohol. The girl then goes to live with her grandfather, whom she had never met. As the plot unfolds we learn more about her life. She had worked from the age of twelve on to help support  herself and her mom as her mother was often out of work due to her issues with alcohol.

Many nights rather than have her mom tucking her in, she was putting her mother to bed because she was passed out on the couch. Later, as she comes to know her grandfather he tells her that at one point in his life he had also had a problem with alcohol, as had his father before him. He is still tormented by the fact that he passed this along to his only child.

Y’all I know this was fiction. But as I read this book I found myself getting really angry. Not angry at people but angry at this enemy that is as old as time. Angry for all the families that have been affected and all the lives that have been ruined. Angry for the lives that have been lost and the things that never came to be because of it.

Although this character was fictional, this kind of scenario plays out every day in our country and many other countries, I’m sure. And often in worse ways. Domestic abuse, children left alone in cars outside of bars, children who carry on the family dysfunction. Families who are forced to keep secrets because they don’t want friends and neighbors to know what is going on in their lives. 

If we were to be in a large audience and asked for a show of hands of those who had someone in their family or close friends effected by alcohol I think we would be stunned by how many people would raise their hands.

Often this curse is carried down through generations. Alcohol was an issue in my house growing up and we had relatives on both sides of my family who had problems. I saw first hand the effect of it. I also lost a cousin to a drunk driver so it affected my family in that way also.

My family was not alone. Years later I found out there were other extended family members with problems in their homes. There were also friends who had problems in their homes that they never talked about. Many times you could see these issues firsthand at parties or family gatherings. Or with neighbors where it was sometimes quite evident. Frightening for children especially.

I realize many of you may be responsible drinkers. You have a beer to relax after a hard day. Or it’s your culture to drink wine with meals. You would never think to get in a car and drive when you had too much to drink. Maybe this blog isn’t for you. Maybe you have never had anyone in your life with alcohol problems.

But what if your friends do? Maybe they drink with you because they see its not a problem in your life, but it might be in theirs. Maybe its something they struggle with when no one is watching. Maybe your children will continue your traditions but in their case circumstances in their lives may cause them to go down that road. Something to think about.

Noah was the first person mentioned in the Bible who planted a vineyard (Genesis 9:20-25). And he got drunk and was naked in his tent. Two of his sons covered his nakedness while one son saw him naked. Whatever happened with that son that day it caused Noah to curse his son’s family line. Alcoholism is still a curse in family lines today.

I knew alcoholism went back at least two generations in my family. I recently found out this was an issue even at least one more generation further back with one of my great grandparents. Who knows how many generations ago this curse started in my family? It’s not something people kept a record of.

Those roots of bitterness that I spoke of in my blog the other day, could it not be that many of these roots can spring up in children growing up in these situations? And would that not then effect the way that they react to others? And the way that they parent their families when they have them?

How many more generations do we want to have go through these things? How many more families will be split apart? How many more children with an absentee parent or perhaps a parent who is there physically but is emotionally unavailable? When will we decide enough is enough? 

It’s heartbreaking to think there are some who are living right now in those kind of situations, and many more who are still trying to overcome the years they spent watching a loved one spiral down the drain.

I don’t expect my blog to change society. Alcohol is so ingrained in our culture today that only the Lord could bring about that kind of change. But maybe somewhere, someday if it causes one person to question themselves before they take that next drink its worth it. Maybe the person who has questioned themselves wondering if they drink too much. Or the one who has had loved ones tell them they are concerned with their drinking. Maybe the one who has noticed the look on their child’s face when they needed them, but instead of being there for them you yelled at or ignored them because you were busy drinking. 

I’m sure there aren’t many people who set out to be alcoholics. No one gets up in the morning with the goal of alienating their loved ones or losing respect among their colleagues or friends. I doubt many purposely set out to cause heartache to their families. 

Alcohol is a sneaky enemy. It starts out as your friend. So warm and fuzzy. A way to have fun and relax. But for some, with the stresses of life or perhaps genetic disposition it turns into something so much more. Something you think you can’t live without. Something that controls your whole life. 

If any of this has rung a bell with you, please. Get help. As someone who decades after the fact still deals with some of these scars in my soul, I can tell you it’s not worth it. Nothing is worth the pain you may cause to those who love you.

If this blog has in any way offended any of you, my apologies. It was a difficult blog to write. I so often think it would be nice to write a lighthearted, helpful blog. But this is what poured out.  Maybe you were meant to read this today. Just a thought.